Growing up, the one thing I always wanted to be was a momma. At the age of 15 I was told I would never have biological children. However, God had other plans. At the end of a very trying year, God had performed a miracle and healed my body in a way nobody expected. I would now be able to have biological children. The one thing that stuck with me throughout that year, and ever since, is the desire to foster or adopt.

Now fast forward a few years. I was working with middle schoolers at the church I was attending at that time. I had grown to love these kids so much. I went to ballgames and other events, answered text messages at all hours, and bought birthday gifts regularly. Then one night a childhood friend visited church and I introduced everyone as my students. The kids that night were very quiet which was unusual. Upon asking what was wrong with everyone they asked what they did to upset me. I had no idea what they meant because I was not upset, I was feeling great. Then they informed me that I always call them my kids, except tonight. From that moment on, I have always called any child I work with in any compacity my kid.

Loving a child that you did not give birth to comes with several challenges. I can now say I have four biological children, five foster children, and too many to count spiritual children and grandchildren. My four biological children are all in heaven, which is a story for another time. The five foster children were all teenage females that were in my house throughout the year last year, but not all at once. The spiritual children I have come from three different churches that I have served in. In each of these settings, being loved back was not guaranteed!

Over the years I have been yelled at, cussed out, had a chair threw in my direction. My kids have come to me with a porn addiction, drug addiction, self harm, suicide ideation, depression, anxiety, and teenage pregnancy. I have been told I love you and I hate you, if you loved me you wouldn’t do this. I have been begged to stay close, as well as pushed completely out. I have cried, screamed, yelled, and laughed so much. Looking back I did not do everything right, but I would not change anything. I love these kids fiercely.

When you foster a child who has been through trauma you have to have a caring and loving heart. And I promise you will fall in love with these kiddos. But it is not easy. They will test your patients, your strength, your routine, your rules, and your relationships. But really, so do biological children! I learned something different and had a different relationship with each of the girls that came through my house.

My kids mean the world to me! And if you want to see the momma bear in me come out, mess with one of my cubs! I have loved each child with my whole heart, when they hurt I hurt, when they are going through something hard, I also go through it with them. I have been told that I need to get a thinker skin, not take everything on myself that they go through, that I am too sensitive or coddle them too much. The thing is, I don’t know any other way to be. I get attached to people easy and when I do I then love them wholeheartedly.

The kids that I love and care for, they all have moms. They have biological moms that they live with. That love them, feed them, clothe them, school them, raise them. When I love these kids I have no guarantee that they will ever love me back. But that doesn’t stop me, I still love them and pour life into them. To many, I would not be considered a mom at all. But to my kids, I am their second momma!